More than ever, I hear people say that no matter what they do, they never feel like they have enough time. They aren’t talking about time for vacations or big plans. They mean real time. Quality time with friends and family. Time to cook a meal from scratch. Time to go for a walk. Time for the small, ordinary things that should be a regular part of life, the things that enrich us and help us feel human.

I’ve come to realize that this feeling doesn’t come from laziness or poor planning. It comes from the fact that we no longer have protected time.

Just twenty years ago, most people did not have unlimited access to one another. If someone wanted to reach you, they had to call your home phone or wait until they saw you in person. Now, with our cell phones always within reach, we are constantly available. The phone sits in our peripheral vision, tempting us, almost begging us, to check whether someone has texted, commented, or messaged us.

We tell ourselves that we need to be available in case something important happens. Or in case there’s an emergency. And then there’s the dopamine. Our brains light up when we see that notification bubble. We feel the pull to check “just one more time.” Don’t let the free minute pass without looking. Don’t sit quietly. Don’t talk to the stranger next to you. You might miss something good.

But all of these tiny moments add up.

The saddest part is that our children are watching this and learning that it’s normal. There is a lot of research showing that phones and apps are intentionally designed to steal our attention. I’ve been skeptical of all-in-one smartphones from the beginning, but for a long time I felt like the odd one out. I don’t feel that way anymore.

Is there really anything that could make a small glowing screen worth stealing your life, or your child’s life, away?

I’ve come to see that some people are simply less sensitive to the effects of constant stimulation, which may be why they don’t view phones as a problem. For me, the effects are immediate. I know that if I allowed myself to, I could scroll for ten hours straight. I feel the irritability. I feel the craving for more dopamine. I feel the guilt over lost time.

The moment that hit me the hardest was when my young children said, “You never hear me when you’re on your stupid phone.” They were right. As long as my phone was nearby, I was always connected to someone else. Nothing says “I don’t care about what you’re saying” quite like interacting with a screen while someone is talking to you.

We’ve all been on the receiving end of this. Talking to someone who keeps interrupting the conversation to check their phone. Feeling like the least important thing on their list. This behavior has become so common that we hardly react anymore, and many of us do it ourselves.

But this quiet habit is damaging relationships, especially for young people.

Teenagers are already navigating some of the hardest years of their lives, trying to find where they belong and often feeling like they don’t fit in. Now they’re doing it in a world where they are constantly interrupted and subtly invalidated. Why talk to the person in front of you when there are hundreds or thousands of people waiting behind a screen? And on the other side, why risk discomfort or awkwardness when you can communicate from behind a screen, carefully curated and safely hidden?

It’s not hard to see how we got here. But when something continues to worsen, it becomes our responsibility to make changes, even if only on an individual level.

So how do we begin protecting our time in practical ways?

Get a landline.
I’ve written before about why I chose to get a home phone, and it has brought me a surprising amount of peace. I know that the people who would need to reach me in an emergency have a reliable way to do so. I also encourage my kids to call their friends instead of messaging back and forth on my phone. It builds confidence and real connection.

Delete distracting social media apps.
This doesn’t have to be permanent, unless you want it to be. Set a goal. Three weeks is a great place to start. I did this while reading a book with my kids (The Amazing Generation), and it made the decision feel purposeful instead of reactive.

Keep your phone out of reach.
Out of sight truly does help. Give yourself specific times during the day to check messages and calls. While there are moments when we genuinely need our phones, for most of daily life, constant access is not necessary.

Allow yourself to just be.
Those moments that would normally be filled with scrolling can become something else entirely. Let yourself be bored. Let yourself be quiet. Look around. Your brain will slowly release its grip on constant stimulation, and life will begin to feel fuller and more grounded.

 Use your computer instead of your phone.
Yes, it’s still a screen, but for many people it functions very differently. I’ve noticed that when I use a computer for things like emails, research, recipes, or writing, I’m far less likely to waste time. I tend to do what I need to do and then get off. Part of this may simply be that a computer isn’t something I carry with me all day. It has a clear beginning and end, rather than constantly pulling at my attention in the background.

Protecting your time means refusing to let your phone become the nucleus of your day. It becomes a tool, not a master. Our time is precious. Our children need our undivided attention. We need more space for quiet, concentration, reflection, and real relationships.

Further Reading

One book that deeply influenced my thinking on this topic is The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. It explores how smartphones and social media have reshaped childhood, mental health, and family life, and why reclaiming attention and real-world connection matters so much. It’s a powerful read for parents who sense that something is off and want both understanding and hope.

The Amazing Generation is a book written for both parents and children that explores how modern technology, especially smartphones and apps, affects attention, habits, and daily life. It explains these ideas in an age-appropriate way and is designed to be read together or independently. The book offers clear explanations, illustrations, and practical reflections to help families better understand technology use and make thoughtful choices about time, focus, and real-world connection.