There’s a message I hear often, mostly on social media. It reminds me of the saying, “misery loves company.” What is that message? It’s the one that tells us motherhood is too hard, impossible, a burden. It’s the one that echoes the idea that we’re slaves to this life, that we completely lose ourselves.

Why do I dislike this message, the one that is so common in mom circles? Because when I hear it, it doesn’t make me feel better—it makes my load feel heavier. Repeating that message to yourself only adds more weight to what you’re already carrying.

I understand that as moms, we need to vent. We need to share the stresses, the ups and downs of raising children and managing a home and marriage. That’s how we process and work through things and it’s healthy. But that’s not what I’m talking about.

If you’re unsure whether you’ve fallen into this kind of thinking, ask yourself:
Am I resentful about being a mom?
Do I see my family as something I have to work around to enjoy my life—or as the joy of my life?

They tell us we lose ourselves in motherhood. Is that really so bad? I can tell you from personal experience—having raised five children—each and every one changed me. Maybe I did lose the person I was before I became a mother. But the person I am now is more patient, more understanding, more kind, and more loving. The woman my children helped me become, I would choose her, sleepless nights, tears, and all.

It’s incredibly easy to slip into negative thinking, especially when it surrounds us. So don’t beat yourself up if you’ve felt this way. Just know that you can change your thinking. It’s never too late.

positive thinking isn’t about pretending everything is perfect or putting on rose-colored glasses. Strong evidence suggests that It has real effects on our health, impacting anxiety, depression, heart health, blood pressure, and even how we look.

You can enter motherhood thinking, “This is going to be the hardest, most miserable thing I’ve ever done,” or you can think, “What a beautiful experience I get to have—even with its challenges.” Because yes, parenting has challenges. Almost everything worthwhile does. That doesn’t mean we can’t view it positively.

But it becomes a trap when negative thoughts are the ones that dominate your experience. You can have a day where everything goes wrong—but how you interpret that day matters. Whether you look for the good or dwell on the bad matters. The message you repeat to yourself, whether life is miserable or meaningful, shapes how you feel.

At the end of a long day, when you’ve been chasing your kids, the house is a mess, and your to-do list isn’t finished… you can still say, “I have it good.”
“I am blessed to have this life.”