I was about 18 years old when Myspace became a popular way to connect with others. It felt like a fun way to express our style and feelings and meet people everywhere. But we had no idea this was just the beginning of human disconnection.
Back then I didn’t have a smartphone, and most people I knew didn’t either. Now the smartphone, social media, and anything on a screen seem to have taken over what once was time spent face to face, or even talking on the phone, rather than connecting through hearts and comments under photos. And I think people are feeling it now more than ever.
The thing that really solidified this disconnection was the shutdown and social distancing that started in 2020. Children spent years without normal human interaction. Our fear drove our behavior, and we stayed in our homes. We replaced much of our face to face contact with a safer version of no contact at all. And through all of that, we came out changed. Now we are really starting to notice the impact.
I’ll admit, as an introvert, the quiet days spent at home gardening, baking, cooking, and having no obligations or packed schedules were enjoyable. I soaked it in at first. But looking back, it wasn’t the fact that I never saw my friends or family that I enjoyed. It was the fact that I wasn’t being pulled in so many directions. And that is where the balance lies.
We need connection with other humans. Friends, family, and the people we see in our community. But we don’t need to always be rushing from place to place and filling every bit of our time.
To reconnect, it will take more effort
Let’s start with the family. Have you fallen into the habit of everyone being on their own device? Everyone in a separate room? Everyone is connected with someone else, but disconnected from the ones who are closest to them. That’s where real connection matters most. Sometimes I think we take those closest to us for granted.
The first thing I would do is take a break from social media, especially anywhere you can scroll endlessly. That seems to be my biggest time sucker. At first you’ll feel like you need to check your phone constantly, but that feeling fades with time. Simply having a conversation without feeling pulled away by your phone is enough to build a deeper connection.
Could you spend time playing board games? Teaching your child a new skill? Having a picnic in your backyard? Watching the stars at night, or growing a garden together? Even just sitting together on your porch, in silence or in conversation, is connection. These simple moments are what have brought people together for generations.
Encourage your children to be helpful wherever you go. That builds connection too. Feeling useful in your family, your community, or your group of friends fulfills something deep that seems to be missing right now.
What has changed? Why aren’t families working together as much anymore? Why do children seem to resist being part of the family? I think over time we’ve created comfortable little worlds where, in a false sense, our desires feel satisfied. Our brains light up like we’re getting what we need, but in reality it’s more like trying to satisfy hunger by eating candy.
It’s time to get a little uncomfortable so we can actually be happy
Maybe you don’t want to step out of your comfort zone. But you won’t find growth there. You won’t find real human connection if you always stay there either.
So what does that look like? The next time you reach for a screen, pick up a book instead. Call a friend, even if that feels hard. Write a letter. Take a walk.
When you go to the store, don’t put your earbuds in and rush through self checkout. Look up and connect with the people around you. The people working there deserve a hello, a smile, maybe even a short conversation.
Talk to the person sitting next to you in a waiting room. That can feel awkward. What do you even say? Trust me, as someone who has been shy my whole life, I get it. But it’s worth remembering that other people need connection too. People feel good when they are seen and heard.
Look others in the eye. It sounds simple, but it’s something we’re losing.
The next time you have the chance to step into a slightly uncomfortable moment that could lead to connection, take it.
Learn hospitality
It really is a skill, and you won’t get better at it unless you try. It might feel uncomfortable at first. You might wonder how to make your house perfect or how to cook the perfect meal. But what really matters is the time spent together, not the perfection.
I’ve been in plenty of homes that look perfect for entertaining, but the people living there don’t actually use the space to connect with others. The perfect home or perfect moment is never going to happen, so just start.
Invite a friend over for coffee or tea. Have lunch outside at a picnic table. Ask someone to go for a walk. Keep a short list of simple meals, snacks, or drinks you can easily put together. Don’t freeze up and think you have nothing to offer, because you do.
And what a great example this sets for our children.
Bringing connection back
Once upon a time, everything we did was communal. We farmed, cooked, cleaned, preserved food, and raised children together with friends and family. I do long for a life like that.
But for now, we can find simple and realistic ways to bring community and connection back into our lives.
I’d love to hear how you are finding connection in your life right now.